via few naggins:
“I hope all you lucky Leaving Certers are cashing in big with Minister for Education and Getting Wrecked, Ruairi Quinn. Remember folks, if you got over 300 points, he’ll send you a naggin and half a box of fags for your troubles. I think they’re Johnny P, but beggars can’t be choosers. However, he said, if you got more than 550 points you’re being a cheeky cunt so you can buy your own damn naggin.
Elsewhere, at his home this morning, Enda Kenny participated in the annual ceremony, ‘The Dropping of the Yokes’, in anticipation for the festivities tonight. Two yokes were dropped, two naggins were downed, and crack cocaine was eaten during the event which was broadcast live on RTE. In an interview with RTE shortly afterward, Kenny (pictured during the interview below) said he was unable to see after taking so many drugs, but still plans on driving to Cork this evening to “go clubbing, and hopefully get the shift and a hand shandy off some young wan to impress the lads in the Dáil”. He went on to say that Eamonn Gilmore would be fierce jealous, because “that dry bastard hasn’t seen action in years.””